During pregnancy

Acknowledgement

If you’re not married and haven’t legally recognized your paternity, your child won’t automatically go to you if something happens to the mother.

Appointments

Although the baby isn’t growing in your belly, you can still build a bond with your child from conception by attending all appointments with the midwife or doctor, and experiencing the ultrasounds as an expectant father is truly special. You can also make it a habit to massage your girlfriend’s belly with a nice oil or body lotion. You’ll feel your baby and be there for your girlfriend at the same time!

You won’t automatically get time off for these appointments, but often there’s room for discussion with your employer. So just talk about it! Tensions can arise throughout the whole period, so try to handle them well and give your girlfriend space. Also, take time for yourself by playing sports or doing something you enjoy. Towards the end of the pregnancy, it’s important to take time for each other by, for example, going away for a weekend. There won’t be much time for this just before and after the birth.

What’s it going to be like?

After the birth, your daily routine will be a thing of the past, your child will determine the schedule despite busy agendas. Think ahead about babysitting or daycare, and support from (grand)parents can be really helpful in general things, don’t hesitate to ask. Many men turn out not to be as cool as they thought during the birth. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but you can prepare for it by attending a pregnancy course or information session with your partner. The last few weeks are the hardest. Don’t plan unnecessary appointments leading up to the birth, so you can be there for your partner when she’s having a hard time. She may be unreasonable at times, but know that it’s never personal and that it can change in a moment. This also applies in the period after the birth, it’s a huge reassurance for your partner that you’re present and available for her and the baby.

Also important to know:

• Pregnancy brain is a real thing.
• You can have sex during pregnancy.
• Sometimes it’s better not to try to win an argument! Your partner may be (very) unreasonable for no reason. It usually passes quickly, so just don’t take it seriously and it won’t escalate.